Do you have a close to perfect marriage? Not me. Do you love your house completely and have great tips for others on how to run your home like a well oiled machine? Wow. I'll be reading your posts. I won't be writing about anything like that. Have your kids already been accepted to Harvard while in diapers? Do they set fashion trends? Do you marvel at their spiritual loftiness? Well, again...I'll be following you. Don't follow me. What am I saying? You probably don't even have time to follow me with all of the people you are influencing and leading already. Let's nod our hellos as we pass each other going in different directions in life. I don't want to lead you astray.
I'm discovering new ways of describing what is wrong with me and the world around me. I'm not interested in being negative. I know that doesn't sound right, but it's true. Sounding negative is just a by-product of noticing that things in this world might not be what we hope. I can't help it. I see things.
I don't believe most people when they write blogs about how God led them toward nearly perfect lives and so I won't write anything of the kind. I don't want to lay any of that on your plate. I wouldn't serve you what I won't eat. I believe my relationship with God is completely different than anyone else's. I don't know why I have faith. I really don't. I want to quit having faith pretty often, but it doesn't work. I have had it for too long. I'm sometimes very convinced by the arguments that my atheist friends make. They tend to be more moral, have deeper empathy, care more about the environment, play better music and have more fun. I can't blame them for wondering why anyone would want to be a Christian. So many Christians truly are idiots. I see that.
This is the time of year when I find it more difficult to get outside and see people. I like to stay warm and drink tea. I read a lot of books. When I read about the hikikomori behavior of young Japanese men and how it has become a cultural phenomenon that has spread to America, I think to myself, "Hey, I've been doing this for years. I didn't know it had a name. Maybe I should get out more and talk to people. I wonder if they would have named that behavior after me if I had made more of a name for myself when I started acting that way."
Blogging is simply my way out of my head. I am hoping people will like to read what I write, but I don't expect that people will. I am okay with this, even. I'm interested in talking with anyone who wants to exchange thoughts with me. Most of the people I know live in books. They are either truly fictional characters from books or they also like to read a lot of books. I'd love to get out more. I want to break away from the isolation. I'm taking baby steps. This blog is my one foot in front of the other.
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