Our local Christian radio station has been broadcasting Nancy Lee De Moss' work on the book of Joshua (find at this link: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/ ). I used to listen to her when I lived in Chicago. I have been tuning in again recently.
This am, the message was titled, "Don't Fight the Battle Alone". Made me stop and think of how I have been keeping away from church because I am just so sick of all of the ways that people can be inauthentic in church. The radio program really addressed a lot of the roots of some of these behaviors. Trouble is that the people who need to hear or grow from lessons like this one rarely pay attention to exhortations like this--even when they are framed in the most positive and cheerful and loving ways.
Listening to church on the radio is probably not the best way to serve God--but I am grateful that there is this option. Just a little ironic--I love the radio program that exhorts the listener to not fight the battle alone--but I'm not in any way convinced that I myself need to go back to church where it feels like all of the great teaching you hear when you sit in the pews or in other churches--the plush stadium seats--rarely lines up with what you see in practice.
Over the weekend, I went to the Creighton University retreat center in Griswold, Iowa (near the Nebraska border). My husband was welcomed in to a community of Ignatian Associates. He has been in faith formation for two years in preparation for this past weekend. It was a lovely weekend. I was able to walk in nature where I saw a red-headed woodpecker. I saw fireflies at night with my kids--which was exciting to me because the firefly season is so short and ours was already over back home. Everything about the teaching and the masses really ministered to me. I enjoyed the conversations with people a lot and more than that--I saw how much my husband loved being part of a group that values him and wants to stand by him. We enjoyed s'mores and a bonfire and saw the kids making new friends with other kids whose parents have like minded values.
Since telling my husband when we were dating that I wouldn't marry a non-Christian because we would be unequally yoked and that would cause the marriage to fail...a message he responded to with the sentiment that, "That has to be the worst break up line ever. You're using GOD as a reason to break up with me? That has got to be the lowest thing a person can say." (A conversation that makes us laugh now.) I have seen my husband not only embrace his faith but also give of himself completely over and over again to people in churches. I have seen him devote time and energy that nobody said he has to devote. I have seen him go far beyond what the average person gives to his spiritual 'family'. I have also seen him get used, scoffed at, mocked and disrespected by people of faith and by people who think he is wasting his time because they do not believe in God and never saw him as a guy who would, either.
I have felt that I did him a disservice in asking him to consider seeking faith. I have asked him to stop giving to people who don't appreciate him. This past Spring, we learned that his dad has terminal cancer. My husband went to a priest who has worked closely with my husband on many projects and who knew what my husband put in to the community. The priest said, "I don't expect my parish to be there for bad news like that when it comes in--that's when I go to family and friends." He appeared to be saying, "Look, Charlie--this is a relationship where you give and that's it. You will have to find another place to have more equal or reciprocating relationships." Meanwhile, the pastor and friends from our church in Chicago reached out to Charlie with genuine concern and offers of prayer. They hadn't been in contact with Charlie for years--but the bond was the same as if we never left Chicago. Fortunately, Charlie does have a lot of family and friends who did make that time more bearable for him. They are the ones he is traveling on this journey with now.
The IA's do not appear to be unable to connect to people in the way that the people we were in a parish with for the past few years appear to be toward us. Charlie has found his place where people work to form intentional community. His faith is growing. He has grown tremendously over the past two years. It is ironic that when my faith is nearly out--my husband's is often a full blazing fire. I can't get through valleys like this one without him. At this point, I am spent when it comes to spiritual community. I'm really hoping God will help reignite the fire. I know you can't fight the battle alone. I am sad to send Charlie out without me at his side. I'm just empty. This frightens me because it sounds a lot like being, "unequally yoked".
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